I've said it before and I'll say it again, making movies with money being the sole focus is never going to produce something of any worth. So when Alien vs Predator finished with the obvious lead into a second movie, the creation of the Predamorph or Xenodator, or whatever witty name you would like to use, the expectations of the sequel would be set extremely low.
The film continues from where we left with the recently expired Predator, used to incubate an entity like none we have ever seen before. The creation of a Xenomorph crossed with the genetic makeup of a Predator, a Predalien, and with this we have the elimination of the Predator crew and the crash landing of the Predator ship down to earth in the woods of Gunnison County. Inevitably the Predalien escapes the wreckage along with a number of face huggers, disappearing into the woods to look for prey and hosts. The information of the crash reaches the Predator home planet, leading to an assassin to be dispatched to earth to stop any advancement of the Xenomorph infestation.
'Get to the chopper!' - Dallas (Steven Pasquale)
The introduction of each character is contrived and one dimensional, Dallas (Steven Pasquale) is a returning bad boy who has a clouded past within the town. Ricky (Johnny Lewis) is his loser brother desperate to win the heart of Jesse (Kristen Hager), whose interactions are so cliched they could have been taken from any b-rate movie that tries to build the same one dimensional characters. Morales (John Ortiz) is the town sheriff and with Kelly (Reiko Aylesworth) as a returning marine complete the main character list. I don't want to raise a point of sexism or #metoo, but the way Kelly is introduced into the movie, it is so hammed and poorly written it actually makes it awkward and fumbled, if anything it has the opposite effect than I am sure the writers were going for.
In contrast to the first film's Predator arrival, the silent ship moving overhead, there seems to be a step back in technology where noisy escape pods are used to reach the Earth's surface. At the same time townsfolk are searching for a missing father and son, who were caught by face huggers, the brothers Dallas (Pasquale) and Ricky (Lewis) enter the sewers to recover a set of keys taken from Ricky by bullies whilst he was delivering pizza. It's not hard to see what is about to happen, it is all very predictable and obvious, but following a very dull first 30 minutes, what follows is one of the most confusing 30 minutes of mayhem that threw that predictability out of the window and not in a good way. Some of the things that happen are so confusing and amateur it's baffling really. There are scenes in what is clearly a gas power plant that transpire to be a nuclear power plant that has zero relevance to the narrative, there is a scene in a swimming pool that could be ripped out of any poorly made teen horror film along with an incident in a diner where a victim has been an incubator for multiple Xenomorphs with no explanation as to how that is possible. I could go on but I am sure you get the picture of the confusing mayhem.
'This plan is stupid. Let's just leave town now' - Dale (David Paetkau)
The film really is split into three parts, as I said part one being dull as dishwater, part two being chaotic and confusing and then part three is the route to escape town that has no real structure at all. This final third makes even less sense than the two preceding, events just seem to take place without any real understanding of why or how. Character decisions are made and situations occur that don't fit into the film itself, let alone trying to make sense of how they would fit into either the Predator or Alien timelines.
So, as I have clearly established, the film really isn't very good. That's an understatement really; the script is poor, the story is non-existent, the characters are weak and one dimensional, the acting is poor but then given the script they had to work with, you can't blame them and in fact there isn't anything positive I can say about this film. Whereas AVP could be considered a below average film, as a standalone, the same cannot be considered when it comes to the sequel. At no point was I excited to be watching it, at no point did I have a full understanding of what was actually happening and at no point do I think this movie should ever have got past the writing phase.
'I thought I told you not to crash' - Dallas (Steven Pasquale)
I wouldn't suggest you ever waste your time watching this film, I would imagine watching paint dry as a more entertaining use of your time. I don't ever enjoy saying a film is so awful you should never watch it, it's in fact not something I think I have ever said.
But sorry I can't say anything positive, so I'm not going to say anything more on it.
Farquaad's Score: 1 star or 2/10
IMDB: 4.7/10 (111,224)
Metascore: 29 (14 Critic Reviews)
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